Sticky situations

I recently phoned my son, who was visiting a 'new woman'. He asked me if he could phone me back as he was, as he told me, "trying to get my car out of a difficult place".



When he phoned back, a few minutes later, I asked him if he was now out of his 'tight, sticky spot'.



"An unfortunate choice of words, Mother," he declared, roaring with laughter.



Honestly, I hadn't meant anything rude, but it just shows, one has to be careful how one phrases things these days.



It reminded me of long ago (1979?), when my brother had come from his boarding school to stay with me (he was about fourteen, I was about nineteen) and he told me about a man who had asked if he was 'gay'. He was clearly coming onto him, but in his innocence, my brother had no idea, though he did think it was a stange question.



"Yeah, sometimes I'm gay," he had responded.



Nowadays, the word 'gay' has been almost entirely taken over by its new meaning. You would never hear anyone under the age of about seventy proclaiming they 'were feeling gay'. Not without bringing on the sort of immature tittering such misuse of words generates.

A lady who works with me in the pub, (who is from Essex, which is important, only because she plays on this) comes out with some priceless observations, things she has heard which she declares with the earnestness of a Missionary, as if there is nothing bizarre or wrong in them.

For instance, when I told her that my son, who was dating a Guatamalan girl, told me her family wanted him dead, her response was: "Well, they're like that over there, ain't they. I mean, they're into the blood sacrifice type thing. They can't 'elp it, it's cos they're Aztecs."

Yesterday, she was talking about a residential course she had gone on once, "It was on the recession." I remarked that that sounded like rather a dull and pointless waste of a good weekend. Realising her mistake, she laughed and said, "Oh no, I meant regression. That's it. You know, going back to previous lives and stuff."

Whether it was recession or regression, they both sound fairly odd to me.

But, she's not stupid. I'm sure she made this mistake deliberately, to play up to the 'blond and thick' reputation Essex women have. In fact, she's not blond. And she's definitely not thick. Dipsy, but not thick. And she makes a slow day at the 'office' far more entertaining!

Scambug/Scumbag

I recently had an email asking if I'd like to make money from my blog. Of course, the thought of doing so was appealling and, after all, it was why I had given up teaching, to make money from my writing, so why not from my blog. It all seemed quite simple as well.

All I would have to do was pore over a list of products, choose any I fancied and write no more than 150 words about it. I needn't even be particularly effusive, so long as the product was included somewhere in my blog. If it was used by the company who made the product, I'd get paid extra, but even if it wasn't, so long as I kept it posted, I would earn something.

It never occurred to me to wonder why I had been chosen, when, so far as I know, only about 3 people in the whole world actually look at my blog (thank you, loyal followers). Surely not the captive audience they might require?

I was flattered to learn that the company offering this generous deal 'choose blogs which are well written and with no spelling errors'. In my case, clearly, flattery gets you everywhere. I'm a sucker for a compliment and my ego got the better of me.
'Hmm, so they think my blog is well written and my spelling is excellent? I must be good.'
No alarm bells rung at this point. No metaphorical speech bubbles with 'BEWARE' entered my head.

I emailed to check I had understood the brief - 'and you don't even have to like the product, just write about it?' The reply was immediate. 'Yes, that's correct, and you get paid no matter what.'

This was money for old rope!

Amusing anecdotes about anti wrinkle cream came flooding into my head. Oh yes, I could do this, I could make it amusing and poignant and clever and original.

It was my level headed husband who brought me back down to earth. "Find out how they pay you, and don't, under any circumstances, give out any bank details."

I emailed again, asking that question, and pointing out that, because of all the scams around, I would not be giving out any bank details. The reply this time was not forthcoming. In fact, I've never heard from the scambugs again.

Next time I will remember the old adage: 'Flattery gets you nowhere'.

Wise words.