Disappointment

I am still somewhat reeling from the rejection letter, which arrived yesterday from Bath Uni. Rob brought it down to the pub where I was working and I opened it in a quiet corner, without my glasses on, but could still make out the words 'We are sorry....', so knew instantly it wasn't the news I'd been hoping for.

Funnily enough, although I am generally a doom and gloom monger, always assuming the worst, I had a good feeling about this. I felt the interview went well. For a start, I was uncharacteristically assertive when it was hinted that I might be applying for the wrong course; that my writing was more directed at the Young Adult market. I insisted that I did not wish to be pigeon holed and I still needed to discover what kind of a writer I am.

I was equally emphatic about my chances of surviving the stress of it all, explaining that I knew what I was in for and was ready and willing to take it on the chin. This is not the usual answer I would give. That would typically be more along the lines of 'You're right, it does sound quite hard and I probably wouldn't be very good.' But I resisted the almost urgent need to put myself down and remained positive.

As you can imagine, I have gone over and over every last word I said, wondering which were the ones that took away my chance of a place.

I asked for feedback, thinking that if I am to apply again, I would know what to avoid saying next time. Sadly, they don't give personal feedback, but they did say encouraging things and recommended I just keep improving my writing.

So, I have booked myself onto a residential writing course. I will have to be very very brave to spend five days in a Gothic looking house in the depths of Shropshire, sharing a room with some stranger (I already know I won't sleep the entire time) and facing the prospect of having to read my work out to people, all of whom, of course, will be much better than me. A terrifying thought, but perhaps a good dress rehearsal for the MA course. Assuming I get on next time round. I think this time I will revert to my usual Eeyore philosophy and think the worst. Then maybe it will turn out better.