Weddings

I watched a programme last night where a lovely young woman went around the country talking to people about why and how they wanted to get married. She was planning her own wedding, and questioning her reasons for getting married (she already had a baby and was in a long term relationship) and was interested in other people's motives for tying the knot.

As well as finding out the why of marriage, she covered such things as the cost, the statistics of success for various age groups, wedding accessories..

Her first visit was to a girl of 16, who was engaged to a boy of 15. The boy's mother was very keen on the idea and didn't seem to think there was anything strange about committing yourself to someone for life at the age of 15/16. She'd been married at 18, she declared proudly, though 'it didn't work out', but this didn't dampen her enthusiasm one bit. SHe liked weddings, thought it was lovely and sweet. The girl's mother (who wasn't interviewed) was obviously more reticent and had persuaded them to wait until she was eighteen. Sensible woman. However, they'd already bought the dress.

I have to say, the girl was not the most articulate, but the boy was even less so. Also, as he chatted (if it can be called that) to the interviewer about what he found attractive in his bride to be, he was busy pinching her nipple. Cringe inducing stuff - we actually had to turn away. The girl seemed relieved that she wouldn't have to sleep with anyone else, she'd 'been around' she declared, not altogether proudly, but 'not as much as her fiance, you can't beat his score.' It turned out he'd had about twenty partners. For a fifteen year old, that is fairly shocking. Call me an old fashioned middle aged bigot, but.... To give her credit, the interviewer took everything they said in her stride and tried not to judge, though couldn't resist pointing out that the boy was much more 'under confident' (a code for moronic) than she'd expected.

Her visit to the fiance of a footballer was shocking in a different way. Her dress alone was going to cost something like £8000.00. Her ring would weigh down any hand, and she unashamedly said that if he'd got her a smaller one, she would have refused to marry him. So, a lot of love going on there. Her father seemed pleased to 'get rid of her', claiming she was very demanding. Really? I hadn't noticed!

Probably the most touching was the Indian lady who had resisted years of potential arranged marriages and waited till she was thirty to choose her partner. But she was still traumatised about leaving her parents' home and there was a touching scene of her brother, this huge, robed young man, weeping as they drove off in their marital car, having kissed goodbye to their family.

And the born again Christian couple who were saving themselves for their wedding night, who talked candidly (and quite hilariously) about how they controlled their obvious ardour. The woman confessed she couldn't wait to get her hands on him. I hope their honeymoon lived up to expectations!

I concluded from the various stories covered that for most people, marriage is a combination of social expectation, a chance to spend some money and have a big day devoted to themselves, and love, which did come into it, thank God.